Contributor: JeanPaul Maximillian
Founder: CUSP Mental Health and Relationships
April 24th, 2017
The determination of innocence is important, but not necessary when it comes to managing my relationship with Brandye as far as other women’s behavior is concerned.
What am I referring to? Well if a woman were to act in a manner that either my fiance or I deemed to be inappropriate, it would not matter if she did so innocently or not.
Meaning, that I do not need to go on a fishing expedition to determine whether or not the person acted with intent.
As far as I’m concerned, if my future wife thinks there is guilt, then there is guilt. Sorry, but not sorry. Is that fair? Yes, to my relationship it is. To the woman that I love it is and to the trust that we nurture and protect it is.
I made sure that I could trust her judgment on her worst days before I put a ring on her finger, and she made sure of the same for me as far as judgment is concerned before she gave me her yes. We’re good!
Mind you, this is not just a nice sentiment, we’ve put this into practice a few times since we’ve been together. Brandye has never, not once told me what she thinks I should do. But on each occasion, I have just disconnected from the individuals and ended all communications.
Also, I don’t put my partner in a position to have to prove to me that another woman is a problem or has done something. She only needs to mention something and she is believed, even if I don’t readily see it.
Because of the things that I do, I engage people on social media, and generally, it works out to be more women than men. Brandye has never cared and has never had an issue with it, she just isn’t insecure. But someone tries to mess around, well she just won’t have it and I won’t put her through even the hint of it.
I have learned to keep my walls high, to watch my words, to be cautious and to be somewhat rigid. I’ve learned to not give to everyone else the things designed for Brandye.
What I have observed is that there are people who will ask for things, even unwittingly, that they should not ask for and it is my responsibility to say no to them.
I say this all the time, love protects, and for me, it is important that I protect my relationship, first from the parts of myself that are not ideal and then from anything external that could harm it, intentionally or not.